The Atlanta Banana is a grassroots effort to write serious, hard news. Yeah, real hard. So hard it feels like your jeans are going to rip off. So hard if it walked sideways through the library there’d be a hell of a lot of books on the floor. Are you ready for that?
If you want to write for us, check out our submission guidelines.
Is any of this real?
It’s real comedy. That should be enough. All facts are made up, though, as well as all names, most places, and any accolades we claim to have gotten from anyone. Don’t take anything here seriously.
Where are all the insipid ads that I ignore on “real” news sites?
The Atlanta Banana is not an ad-supported news hole. We’re content with whatever money we can make through merchandise sales (coming soon), or generate for our favorite charities.
How did we become Atlanta’s Serious News Hole?
News gets hard when it watches porn on its smart phone while riding a city bus. Then it stands up and proudly presents itself to the bus passengers and the world, shouting “I am Atlanta! Behold!” News then gets on probation and has trouble getting a decent job.
But fuck it, right? What’s life if you don’t stand up for the things you believe in? What’s the big deal if a few people accidentally get “inappropriately prodded” in the process? This is the big city, folks. That’s just how news goes down.
Did I mention that news goes down? News goes down with zeal, baby. Aw yeah.
Gross. But also where did the site name come from?
The Atlanta Banana takes its name from the curving, yellow 17th street bridge, which was built in an attempt to lure citizens and tourists enjoying themselves in midtown into the hellscape of despair that is Atlantic Station.
Paid for by the evil vampire overlord who built Atlantic Station and its surrounding apartment complexes, the bridge has barely ever collapsed into the Interstate.