Atlanta's Serious News Hole
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ATLANTA–Having given the general public the option of voting on a newer, uglier license plate, Georgia DMV officials announced today that they are disappointed that the finished product didn’t turn out as ugly as anticipated. “Don’t misunderstand me, the new plates are hideous, but not the utter shit bomb we were hoping for,” said DMV [...]
Sorry, what was that? Oh em gee. I couldn’t hear you just then. There was a smashing noise and a scrape and then someone screaming. Oh my god, shut up, whoever you are. Can’t you see I am on the phone? It’s a good thing I bought this big car. What? Oh god no, I [...]
SMYRNA — Atlanta mayor, Joaquin Snead, announced today that Atlanta’s inaugural Outside The Perimeter Day Festival (OTP Day) would be canceled due to traffic delays. “It’s unfortunate,” said Snead in a teleconference earlier this morning. The teleconference was conducted from his cell phone as he sat idle on I-75, which he deemed a “huge-ass clusterfuck [...]
ATLANTA–Georgia governor Nathan Deal’s office announced today a new design for driver’s license cards. Though they will retain most of the visual elements, the cards will be even thinner and last about three months of normal use. “We realized we were fools to issue sturdy plastic cards all those years,” said Grover Mintjerk, spokesman for [...]
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