Local Racist Congratulates Self on Ability to Enjoy College Football

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PHOTO: Texas A&M University Commerce Marketing Communications

ATLANTA–Local racist Buck Falls congratulated himself this weekend on his ability to enjoy college football despite a deep-seated intolerance for races other than his own. Falls felt that cheering for his team’s Black and Hispanic players represented previously unprecedented support for racial equality.

“As a racist, I realize my views are rarely well received,” said Falls, a wastewater conveyance specialist and enthusiastic shouter of “woo.” He added, “But I was very pleased at the actions of a few of those otherwise unfortunate non-whites. That’s gotta count for something.”

Falls felt he might also be able to muster a glimmer of support for marriage or religious equality, but, unfortunately for those groups, he said, “there ain’t no gays or Muslims in football.”

When asked about his feelings for players of the opposing team, Falls said he hated them all pretty much equally, hoping they would die in more or less in the same painful, humiliating manner.