Atlanta Startup Offers No Products, No Services, Just Meetings

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PHOTO: John Benson

ATLANTA–A new Atlanta startup with a bold business model that eschews typical offerings like products or services will focus exclusively on meetings.

“We’ve taken the best part of business and made it our whole focus,” said Co-Founder and CEO Richard Ragsdale. “I can’t believe no one has thought of this before. Think about how much gets accomplished in a typical 20 minute business meeting when everyone is focused and there’s a clear purpose, agenda, and actionable items. Now, what if you take the most important component of that meeting – time – and multiply it? There are no diminishing returns.”

Ragsdale’s initial vision of the company is shared by his Co-Founder and current COO, Barry Oldman, who has an impressive resume of middle management. “I was leading a grueling meeting to combat floundering morale, and I saw the broken, defeated faces of my underlings,” said Oldman. “That’s when it hit me: I have nothing important to contribute, but meetings make me feel like I have control. We should do this all the time!”

“Our meetings run the gamut,” said Boris Snorsky, Vice President of Operations. “Budgeting, employee evaluation, marketing, dress code, sexual harassment – we have every type of meeting there is. In fact, our Research & Design people are in meetings now thinking of new types of meetings. We’re on the cutting edge of meeting technology.”

The company, formerly operating as Meetings ‘R Us, but is having a meeting next week to vote on a proposed name change to Meetr. “That ‘r’ with no ‘e’ thing is hot right now,” said Mark Edding, Vice President of Social Media. “I’m thinking of changing my name to Mrk.” [As of press time we understand that Meetr is already an app, so the startup will be forced to switch to something else. -Ed.]

After an abysmal first quarter, the executive board are discussing options for revenue streams and are taking their cues from some of the world’s largest corporations, according to CFO William Moneywhistle. “Amazon is one of the most successful companies ever, and they didn’t turn a profit for their first 12 years. I think we can double that.”

[Submitted by Nathan G. Lee (@nathanglee). More of his work at his site: http://whereitgetsawkward.blogspot.com/)]