Species Creepily Celebrates Planet that is Phasing Them Out

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PHOTO: Chang'e 5 T1

Look, humans, it’s not that I don’t appreciate the gatherings and the speeches and whatnot, but we’ve been over this. I’m moving in a different direction. At this point, I find it a little creepy that you guys keep holding this celebration knowing full well that you are being phased out.

Remember: it’s nothing personal. It can’t be; I’m not a person. Sure, we’ve had our differences about who should or should not harm whose atmosphere by belching toxins non stop, but I consider that water under the bridge. Especially since you’ll all be dead pretty soon.

Oh, what, now I can’t be real about stuff?

Look, I’m not trying to stir the pot here. I just think it’s a little creepy to plant trees and hug one another over my well-being once a year when we both know I’m not supporting you guys for much longer. I know you’re in talks with other planets, but we also both know Mars is almost as big a joke as your ability to colonize it.

Oh really, you found water there? Cool. How many molecules wide is the glass it would half fill? Haha! Seriously. Mars.

Anyway, just letting you know that Earth Day is creepy, but you know what we planets say. Humans gonna hubris.