T-SPLOST to Change 285 from Circle-ish to Rhombus

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This artist's rendition of the proposed highway restructuring for I-285 cost tax-payer's over $200,000

ATLANTA–Amidst all the arguments for or against Atlanta’s proposed T-SPLOST (Special Purpose Local Option Sales Tax), one important aspect of the tax is dividing Atlantans more than any other: the changing of interstate I-285 from its general circular shape to something that resembles a rhombus.  

Proponents of the tax claim that a rhombus, or “pompous square,” will end up attracting new business to the metro area.  Their critics cite the numerous safety issues, specifically the four 90 degree turns drivers will be forced to make at extremely high speeds.

Atlanta Mayor Joaquin Snead has long been a supporter of the bill.  

“I know its hard to get anyone in this state to vote for any new tax, but just think of the benefits!  How many future business owners will peer through their plane window landing in Hartsfield-Jackson and be mesmerized by that glowing parallelogram?” he said at a fundraiser on Tuesday.

Long-time resident Penny Lopez sees things differently, however.  “I mean, for me, the biggest holdup is, well, I’m just gonna say it-  Rhombi are gay squares.. You can’t honestly tell me that’s a straight shape.”  

Business owner Nikki Nixon agrees.  “The dangle of those angles isn’t congruent.  It just ain’t right.”  In actuality, all sides of a rhombus are congruent, 90 degree angles, but many citizens are still concerned.

“I’d personally prefer a trapezoid.  That being said, I guess my main stitch is the probability that I’ll slam into an interstate wall going 80 miles per hour…but if that’s the will of the people, I won’t complain.  Democracy is beautiful like that,” said Chris Topher, a political science professor at Southern Poly-Technical University.

Voters will be given the option to “UnCircle Atlanta” next Tuesday, July 31st.

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