Opinion: If You Think The Earth Is Overcrowded, Try Hell Sometime

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Life is wasted on the living, as is beer. Ghosts can't drink beer. PHOTO: Sigurdur Unnar, Flickr

Yeah, it’s me, the Devil again. I’ve been seeing a lot of whining lately from you living people about how crowded it’s getting on Earth, and it’s about time someone told you to shut yer yap.

“Oh, no,” you say, “what are we gonna do when there’s no resources to feed all of us?”

That’s simple; you’re going to do the same thing you’ve always done. You’re gonna keel over and then contribute your soul to the even more overcrowded fiery hallways of my precious Hell.

I mean, really. You think 7 billion people is too many to have around? What about everyone who has ever lived?

That’s not even to mention the spirits of cats and wildebeasts and whatever fuck-all things the Egyptians buried their rulers with. It’s like I’m running a fucking petting zoo down here.

Anubis. Bah! Anus-piss, I call him. Hah, just kidding. He’s a bro.

Thankfully, ruining people economically is a lot more acceptable with the living than scimitar-ing heads off these days, so the tide of death has slowed somewhat, percentage wise. We used to get tens of thousands at a time back in the choppity-chop days, you know?

Well, anyway, just wanted to set a few things straight for you guys. Enjoy the rest of your life. Drive fast, smoke cigarettes, all that shit.