Open Letter To The Online Dater Who Asked “Wut Dat Booty Doin”

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Sir, I am confused. PHOTO: Ed Yourdon

Thank you for your wink and mail message of Jan 14th, 2014. I am flattered to be among your Hot Five matches. I am afraid, however, that I am unsure how to interpret the text of your query, to wit: “Wut dat booty doin.”

I admit, I am new to this, but colleagues assure me that this online business is how dating is done nowadays. I don’t wish to insult you by failing to reply.

My conjectures are that “wut” is a placeholder for “what,” “dat” for “[is] that,” and “doin” for “doing.” Thus I am able to glean meaning.

Of course I’m aware that one definition of “booty” is “a person’s buttocks.” I assume that this is the nature of your inquiry. I hope I don’t sound like a prudish Prudence here, but I don’t think it would be appropriate to discuss the orientation or doings of my buttocks at this time, except to say that my last checkup reveals no health concerns whatever.

Let’s start with something with which we can both feel comfortable. What books are you reading right now? Are you a classicist, or do you tend more towards the modern?

Talk to you soon!