MARTA to Extend Shitty Rail Service to Savannah

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2030
Soon a MARTA rail train like this one could be going nowhere in Savannah PHOTO: Pater McFly

ATLANTA–Atlanta’s city leaders are calling for a new high-speed rail extension which will connect the MARTA line to the city of Savannah. Savannah, widely known for smelling weird, is a port city capable of handling almost any amount of seamen.

The rail line will connect Atlanta’s southernmost terminal at Hartsfield-Jackson Memorial International Airport for Planes to Savannah’s harbor area, carrying cargo and passengers between the two cities.

Stops on the line, whose Savannah section will be known as Savannah Harbor Area Rapid Transit Authority (or SHARTA), will include a station on the eastern side of Savannah and one at the city center, thus bringing the same shitty barely-goes-anywhere quasi-progressive service to Savannah that Atlanta does not very much enjoy.

“We just cannot wait to get a rail system that manages to service almost no one,” said Buck O’Fockery, provisional head of SHARTA. “Just like MARTA, only sized down to deliver Savannah-level shittiness.”

Though the announcement has raised concerns among some of Atlanta’s citizens, who cry that we should perhaps figure out how to make MARTA work before we go inflicting shitty rail on any other cities, everyone can agree that any option other than driving the stretch of Interstate 16 between Macon and Savannah is possibly a good thing.