“I Don’t Know, Ask Mommy” Season Kicks Off Tonight

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It's good! Unless you're a crying baby with a dirty diaper. PHOTO: Avinash Kunnath

ATLANTA–Tonight at 8:30 p.m., the defending Super Bowl champions, the Baltimore Ravens, will face off against the Denver Broncos in Denver to kick off the beginning of “I Don’t Know, Ask Mommy” season.

Despite winning last year’s Super Bowl, the Ravens aren’t heavily favored over the Broncos due to losing key veteran players and their inexperienced wide receiving corps. Many are blaming this on Joe Flacco’s massive new $120.6 million contract, especially when many of the nation’s fathers could have easily been where Flacco is today if they hadn’t blown out their damn knee in that big homecoming game senior year.

In addition, Peyton Manning is still widely considered to be one of the best quarterbacks in the game, even at the age of 37.

“I think Peyton’s going to have a great season,” said Thomas Roundtree of Tucker, GA while brushing his daughter’s hair. “I mean, he’s getting old, but he’s still … Jesus, Sophie. I’m not brushing your hair that hard. Stop crying.”

Tonight’s game marks the beginning of an exciting, 17-week display of heart, raw athleticism, thrilling come-from-behind victories and complete and utter paternal neglect.

As of press time, representatives from both teams have expressed high hopes of making it to “Mommy And Daddy Are Taking A Break, But It Has Nothing To Do With You” playoff season.