Delta Engine Failure Results in World Record Simultaneous Frightpoop

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Sometimes you have to look on the bright side, especially when you didn't die. PHOTO: Simon Clancy, Flickr

HUEYTOWN–A Delta engine failure Wednesday caused 104 passengers to simultaneously void their bowels, breaking the previous world record frightpoop.

The event, also known as a “group duke” or “cluster bomb” is a rare combination of sudden abject fear, amazement, and dangerous airport food.

Wynne Genna-Prayer, Delta spokesperson, released this statement.

Delta is proud to once again have made aviation history when 104 passengers on flight 3141 to Atlanta simultaneously offloaded cargo due to fear for their very lives. Our crew performed admirably under pressure and have received commendations.

The previous record frightpoop, 97, was held by KLM airlines when a jet landed through a flock of birds in 2008.

The flight, which departed from San Diego bound for Atlanta, was forced to land in Phoenix, Arizona, fortunately an area well-stocked in fresh underpants.

“Look, these things happen from time to time. It’s why we usually stick more than one engine on our planes,” revealed Delta spokesman Wynne Genna-Prayer via phone on Thursday. “I think our passengers were actually pretty pleased to receive confirmation that their emergency defecation systems are in excellent working order.”

But passengers were not so upbeat. One man, who asked to remain nameless, spoke with reporters in the terminal.

“I’m glad to be on the ground safe,” he stated. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some carry-on luggage in my slacks to deal with.”

The first ever peacetime aviation-related mass evacuation, The Spruce Deuce, occurred when Howard Hughes’ H-4 Hercules, combination pleasure yacht and airplane, managed to lumber into the air on November 2nd, 1947.

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