ATLANTA–Atlanta’s roommates, in an effort to quell tension and alleviate the need for passive-aggressive note leaving, have formed a mutual accord this week, calling for increased pants wearing among the city’s platonic co-habitators.
Dr. Craig Zlist, Georgia State professor and author of the book “I Can’t Afford To Live Anywhere Non-Cracky,” indicated that an agreement of this kind is important.
“Platonic co-habitation is on the rise,” Zlist said, “First, no one wants to live OTP unless they’re married with kids. Only someone who has completely resigned themselves to that brand of abject misery would want to live in the suburbs. That said, living in town is expensive, especially if you are interested in not getting shot or burglarized. A roommate agreement can be a very attractive option.”
One member of the group of city roommates, who asked to remain anonymous, attempted to steer discussions toward ancillary concerns, such as the drinking of the last beer in the house, or letting a girlfriend’s car block the driveway, but the consensus was that the group should focus on one thing at a time.
The following statement is the result of the weekend’s accord:
We, the roommates of the City of Atlanta, do hereby agree to wear pants when in the common areas of our shared home, and never to do sex acts on the couch, even if we’re sure our roommate is out of town.
It is unclear at this time what affect the accord will have, but the group has agreed to reconvene in one month to try to work out a way to get spent toilet paper rolls into the damned trash can which is right fucking under it.