American Sports Finally Does Something Interesting

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Hey they're coming back this way again with the squeaky shoes. PHOTO: Joshua S. Kelly

After well over a century of pretty much just running around for no reason at all while drunk people yell at one another, American team sports have managed to finally do something interesting. Jason Collins, an American sports player of the basketball variety, has come out of the closet as a proud gay man, a move which will hopefully help to advance acceptance of gays the world over.

“I just can’t believe it,” said Stew Bach, plumber. “All these years of farting around on hardwood floors with the squeakiest shoes money can buy and those basketball guys finally get around to actually doing something for humanity as a whole.”

Other major American team sports varieties, most notably American football and baseball, have yet to produce an out gay player, but they definitely should.