ATLANTA, GA–Don Braden, manager of Trader Joe’s Midtown Atlanta location, said Monday morning that an apparition appearing to be none other than the ancient holy god, Yahweh, had been glaring disapprovingly at customers in his store’s wine aisle on Sunday. At 12:30PM, the apparition vanished.
Appearing without the usual heavenly host, Yahweh was dressed in simple robes, and wore a clock around his neck in the style of famous rapper and NWA member Flavor Flav. Customers report that whenever anyone wandered down the wine and beer aisle, Yahweh loudly cleared his throat and pointed emphatically to his clock, making “nuh uh!” types of noises.
Customer Charles Hunter, 32, snapped a selfie with Yahweh over his shoulder, posting it to Twitter with the words: “Totally forgot it was Sunday. Now I got this guy all up in my face. What??????”
Manager Braden said that upon review of the store’s security camera, it’s clear that, at 12:30PM, Yahweh raised his hands to bless customers, purged the influenza virus from a toddler near the cheese case, and was gone.