Voters Reject Controversial Six Flags White Water Plan T-SPLOOSH

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T-SPLOOSH would have fixed all of this and gotten us all laid too. PHOTO: rickpilot_2000, flickr

NORTH ATLANTA–Metro Atlanta Voters on Tuesday rejected a $600,000 improvement plan that White Water officials deemed urgently needed and local 6-12 year olds called “totally cool!”

The defeat of the plan leaves the Atlanta region’s primary water park with a water slide congestion problem that has no solution in sight. Morning “Rush Hour” at White Water now begins as early as 5:30 am on weekdays, and at the peak of the afternoon rush it can sometimes take a child as long as 2 hours to travel over a 400 yard section of slippery slide through bum to bum traffic.

Atlanta Mayor Kasim Reed, who pinned his reelection hopes on the passage of the plan, rallied supporters gathered atop the “Gulf Coast Screamer” at White Water.

“We may have lost this round,” Reed said. “But I will not give up the dream of an Atlanta with a surrounding beltway of awesome, thrill-a-minute water slides!” Reed, dressed only in a bathing suit, then leapt feet first onto the slide with a whoop, but was immediately halted by a 60 deep clog of crying children.

Opponents of the T-SPLOOSH plan have maintained that vastly expanding White Water’s intricate, wild ‘n wet network of water slides into the southern Atlanta suburbs and beyond with raise the city’s number of “bathing suit wedgies” to intolerable levels.

“The voters have spoken,” said Janice Evans, a Georgia Tea Party member who organized protests outside the entrance of the water park. “T-SPLOOSH is dead, once and for all!” When Evans’ 7 year old son Chip asked if he could go in and ride the water slides, she viciously backhanded him across the face and snarled, “Mommy’s money is for mommy only!”

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