Atlanta's Serious News Hole
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ATLANTA — When Six Flags Over Georgia reopens in mid-March, they’ll unveil a new ride called “285” that lasts five hours and goes 0.7 miles. In an effort to create attractions with more ties to the surrounding area, Six Flags asked patrons to fill out surveys. On the surveys, people were to list things they [...]
ATLANTA–Local municipalities are regretting their decision to try red light cameras now that the full danger of dabbling in the devices is becoming clear. Though the long term effects of red light camera abuse are still being researched, there is irrefutable evidence that they have no effect on improving traffic. As reported by the AJC, [...]
HARTSFIELD-JACKSON ATLANTA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT FOR PLANES–Airport officials have revealed a joint project with the city of Atlanta this morning to construct a monster truck based motorcade to be used by visiting dignitaries. The enormous trucks will allow very important people to ride from the airport on the south side of the city to the northern [...]
SMYRNA — Atlanta mayor, Joaquin Snead, announced today that Atlanta’s inaugural Outside The Perimeter Day Festival (OTP Day) would be canceled due to traffic delays. “It’s unfortunate,” said Snead in a teleconference earlier this morning. The teleconference was conducted from his cell phone as he sat idle on I-75, which he deemed a “huge-ass clusterfuck [...]
ATLANTA–The Georgia DOT announced the opening of a new lane on 400 today, increasing the overall soul-sucking of the heavy traffic area by 15%. Commuters who otherwise might have arrived at work with a shred of motivation to get anything at all done once there will now be utterly devoid of not only that motivation, [...]
PONCE DE LEON–City traffic officials are preparing to close a section of Ponce de Leon this Friday night, March 23rd, as part of ongoing Beltline work. Calling it “the fucking party of the year,” one internal memo described workers as “completely stoked.” “Bro, that memo is completely right. It’s pretty much going to blow all [...]
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