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O, ye hairy-necked titan, How I pine for thee. Your chess game, so tight, Whether starting black, or white. Lo, I have an opening for you, sir. My mind is beaten sick, In a sea of fetching douches, Who have decent hygiene. Pshaw! My body needs a mind for mine. I am willing to bear [...]
NORTH AVE–Georgia Institute of Technology scientists have announced a breakthrough in time travel today with the unveiling of their new Hateback Machine. The machine, the scientists claim, is powered by a mixture of human jealousy, contempt, and gossip. “We do not fully understand the technology at this time,” announced Professor P. Bodae, lead scientist, “but [...]
WASHINGTON, DC — As shown in the above official White House photo, robotic versions of John Boehner and Joe Biden were installed for last night’s State of the Union address. Their creators, robotics scientists from Georgia Tech, say the machines performed perfectly. “The problem is,” said Craig Flipwood, Ph.D., leader of the robotics team, “No [...]
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