Atlanta's Serious News Hole
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COLLEGE PARK–Rumors swirl today that the Chick-Fil-a corporation is inadvertently raising some homosexual chickens. Though the company’s political leanings seem to indicate that they believe homosexuality to be a matter of choice than heredity, studies indicate that a certain percentage of their chickens must certainly prefer same-sex partners. “There’s just no way that could be [...]
TUCKER–Local sheet metal agitator Gary Field, 35, has announced a new diet, set to start bright and early on Monday morning. Stressed about the reduced calories, Field ate nearly four times what he’d normally have consumed on the Sunday evening before, totaling over 15,000 calories. “I need to drop about twenty-five pounds, I’d say,” confided [...]
HAPEVILLE — Jesus Christ, the Messiah, Prince of Peace, and Son of Almighty God, returned to Earth Sunday surrounded by trumpeting angels on a dazzling white cloud which hovered over the original Chick-fil-A Dwarf House on the south side of Atlanta. Speaking in a booming, ethereal voice, Jesus addressed the throng of onlookers and reporters [...]
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