Atlanta Sports Teams Pull Off Historic Triple Choke, or “Trifuckta”

You got a lot of balls, coming in here. PHOTO: Kevin Galens

ATLANTA–Atlanta’s three professional sports teams who played last night, the Braves, the Hawks, and the Falcons, all managed to lose their games, forming a historic triple choke. Experts are referring to this phenomenon as a “trifuckta.” Unfortunately, the Atlanta professional women’s basketball team, the Dream, were not able to lose because they did not have […]

Hawks Hire New Coa- Oh Fuck It, Nobody Cares

This is a hoop, I think. Right? Yeah. PHOTO: acidpix

ATLANTA–The Atlanta Hawks hired a new coach last Tuesday, but we really don’t know if anyone cares. So we’re not even sure why we’re posting this article. That’s why we’re a week late with the story: we just don’t give enough of a shit about submitting it on time. Seriously, how many people in Atlanta […]

American Sports Finally Does Something Interesting

Hey they're coming back this way again with the squeaky shoes. PHOTO: Joshua S. Kelly

After well over a century of pretty much just running around for no reason at all while drunk people yell at one another, American team sports have managed to finally do something interesting. Jason Collins, an American sports player of the basketball variety, has come out of the closet as a proud gay man, a […]

Atlantans Would Rather Watch Actual Hawks than Atlanta Hawks

Soarers gonna soar, y'all. PHOTO: Jesse Taylor

ATLANTA — According to a study conducted by Dr. Gno Won, leader of the local Audoban Society chapter, the majority of Atlantans would rather watch hawks, the species of bird, than the Atlanta Hawks, Atlanta’s professional basketball team. “The results, while understandable, were nonetheless surprising,” said Dr. Won. “We estimated a seventy-thirty split in favor […]

Jeremy Lin Challenges Tim Tebow to Jesus-Off

Lin and Tebow love Jesus way more than you.  PHOTO:  nikk_la, Jeff Kern, Flickr

NEW YORK CITY–With the news that the New York Jets have added former Broncos quarterback and known annoyingly public Christian Tim Tebow, New York Knicks guard and annoyingly public Christian Jeremy Lin has declared a holy war. “This town isn’t big enough for two people who love Jesus as much and as publicly as I […]