[STUDY] Human Brain Treats Rejection Like You’re a Giant Pussy

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SCIENCETOWN–A team of researchers has released findings this week that show conclusively that the human brain treats rejection as if its owner is a gigantic whiny crybaby. Extensive emotional conditioning can condition a brain to keep it together long enough for a good cry at home later, but in most cases the subject will be reduced to a pouty sad sack nearly immediately.

The team says the side effects of rejection can include, but are not limited to:

  • Wearing a sourpuss stinkface
  • Emo Facebooking/Twitter
  • Poetry/songwriting
  • Even greater overeating than normal

Though the team were reluctant to outline treatment for rejection, saying that their role is one of research and study rather than one of a clinician, one member did suggest, off the record, that sufferers “harden the fuck up.”