Steel Plate Opinion: You Think I Like Lying In the Damn Street?

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This plate is sick of lying in the street. PHOTO: Andrew Bossi

Oh really? You think I like lying in the damn street, covering a hole in the roadway so you can drive your dumb car over me? Well think again, because it sucks down here. Real bad.

It’s not even raining today and this gig sucks. The dumb sun’s beating down on me, heating me up halfway to my melting point, and you meatbags think I’m having the time of my life?

Well here’s a news flash: I wasn’t smelted for this, okay?

God, how I wish I had been made into a sword so I could at least get wielded, or brandished, if nothing else. I’d have made an excellent sabre, or scimitar. Or maybe I could have been a tank. Hell, I could have been a bridge support member if I had paid attention a little more closely back in the fabrication days. Sigh.

My only hope now is that these City employees pick me up within a few weeks and take me back to the holding area where I can rust lightly in peace.

In the meantime, I feel your mean glares, human car drivers, and I do not give a single fuck about them. Like any other giant slab of ferrous metal, I want to serve a purpose if possible, but this one’s crap. Just crap.

You don’t want me in the road, and I don’t want to be here, so let’s work something out. I think I would make an excellent railroad car, for instance. I’ve always thought that, actually.