ATLANTA–Representatives of southern US states are sending remarks of concern to friends in the Northeast this morning, along with shock and alarm that, for once, a hurricane lashed somewhere other than the South. They also expressed concern that the Northeast, not used to hurricanes like the southern states are, might take it a little harder.
“Do they even have trailer parks up there?” asked Tammy Fae Faytami of Clearwater, FL. “I thought them’s what attracted the big storms. Shoo-ee.”
“I’d just always assumed that hurricanes were our cross to bear in the south,” said Ernest Pickler, a pipe straightener from Bay Minette, AL. “Maybe God’s still mad at us for slavery, you know? He sure as hell should be. Now our Yankee friends are taking it right in the pants. What’d they do, I wonder?”
But weather scientist Dr. Don Blohard of Southern Polytechnical Community College of Christ cautions that not everything in life can be attributed to God’s wrath or punishment for the South.
“Hurricanes are not a Southern states only phenomenon,” he said. “They are a naturally occurring weather system that has very little to do with punishment. That said, we totally do deserve it for slavery.”
Dr. Blohard did confirm, however, a link between trailer parks and hurricanes, but he noted that the correlation has more to do with the trailers themselves than the amount of sin committed therein.
“God just really hates houses with wheels. Always has. Even if it’s a doublewide or if you attach a porch to one side with an awning he can still tell it’s a trailer.” he said. “And he’ll wipe that shit out sooner or later. For real.”
For now, we here at the Atlanta Banana wish all our Northeast friends safety and happiness. Take it easy, guys.