ATLANTA–An unbelievably shitty car which appeared to be Nissan of some kind, or possibly a Toyota, was driven very carefully over a series of speed bumps in the West Paces Ferry shopping center this weekend. Eyewitnesses report surprise that such care was taken given the car’s general state of disrepair.
“I was like ‘Hurry it up already,'” said Phil Myers, 41, relating his thoughts about the carefully-driven shitbox. “If you cared about that car at all, you’d drive it carefully into a lake. End all of our misery.”
Speed bumps are asphalt humps in the road designed to encourage slower driving speeds, but automotive expert Harry Tonsenna, 73, points out that one of the perks of shitty car ownership is not caring much what happens to it.
“I drive a total crapstack of a car precisely so I can hammer it over speed bumps,” said Tonsenna. “I don’t use my brakes any more than necessary. Brake pads cost money. I just ram it into whatever’s nearby my destination.”
The driver of the shitty car in question remains at large.