Sex Shop Plans Flying Drone Dildo Delivery

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LAWRENCEVILLE, GA–Not to be outdone by Amazon’s plan for drone delivery, Atlanta’s very own adult novelty store juggernaut, Starship Enterprises, has announced plans to roll out the “Dildo Express” drone delivery system that will enable the company to deliver sex toys within a 45 minute time window of an online order if the order is within 20 miles of the company’s Lawrenceville headquarters.

Starship CEO Richard Wrangler said “This service will help us provide immediate gratification to our clients all over Atlanta. All of us at Starship are swelling with pride at our ability to offer instantaneous client satisfaction.”

While Amazon recently reported that 86% of their packages weigh less than five pounds and can safely be drone delivered, Starship admits that nearly 25% of their “hefty” dildo packages weigh more than five pounds and will still have to be delivered by U.S. mail or some other form of ground transport. Nevertheless, “over 75 percent of our dildos and other sex toys, such as butt plugs and inflatable dolls, can be strapped on to a drone helicopter and rapidly delivered to our customers,” Wrangler stated. He then demonstrated the capabilities of the delivery system with what he described as an “average 9-inch dildo” dangling from a drone device that he himself flew by remote control during the announcement at a company shareholder meeting (see photo).

Company shares of Starship stock rose quickly after the announcement. Investors present at the meeting were enthusiastic in their response to the news. One anonymous investor stated he was “breathless with excitement” at the sight of the dildo flying overhead.

“I wonder a bit what neighbors might think when they see a wang fly in my window,” the investor said, “but hey, it is 2013 after all.”