Protestor Looking Forward to Calming Effect of More Guns Pointed at Him

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FERGUSON, MO–Protester Matt Azhell has been attempting to make his dissatisfaction with authorities known through peaceful protest, but forces outside his control have spiraled some demonstrations into violent clashes with police. Thankfully, according to Azhell, more weaponry will arrive to point at him later today.

“The police are doing what they can to calm everyone down by pointing weapons at me and my fellow demonstrators,” said Azhell, “but thankfully the National Guard should arrive later today to provide many more pointed guns.”

Though Guardsmen and Police might look similar to the untrained eye, Azhell says he won’t have trouble telling them apart. “Oh it’s no problem to spot the Guard,” said Azhell. “Less armor and guns but more camo than the cops.”

Azhell said he didn’t condone violent action on either side. “But if no one broke any windows, would the media have shown up?”