Proposed Site for New Falcons Stadium Deemed Too Close to MARTA

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This version of the stadium was modeled after Johnny 5's eye from the movie Short Circuit.

ATLANTA–Sources familiar with the ongoing efforts to secure a location for the new Falcon’s football stadium report that a site being closely considered has now been discarded due to being too close to an available MARTA station.

“We don’t want people to enjoy professional football easily,” said Ari Thurblanc, Falcon’s spokesman. “It should be a contest of will to get into the stadium, so that fans can relate to the contest of will taking place on the field.”

Fans attending events at the current Georgia Dome have a few options to take MARTA, but our sources report that team officials have “had enough” of “that shit.”