Pink Smoke Over Midtown: Atlanta Elects First Ever Gay Pope

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The first ever gay pope promises to focus on improving sartorial and culinary sensibilities. PHOTO: Montecruz Foto

ATLANTA–The first ever Gay Pope’s election was signified this morning with a column of pink smoke over the Midtown skyline. The new head of all things gay has chosen to take the name Fernando I.

“It’s about time we had a gay Pope!” said his Fabulousness, addressing a crowd as Pope for the first time. “Now let’s have a conga line! On me! Just dancing this time, you rascals.”

Though some have questioned Atlanta’s position as Gay Vatican, his Fabulousness points out that the Gay Papacy is dedicated to inclusion rather than exclusion.

“We’re all Pomp and no Circumstance around here,” he said. “You don’t have to be Catholic. You don’t even have to be gay. We prefer that no one ever wear running shoes and athletic socks at casual social events, but that’s just basic dress sense.”

His Fabulousness Pope Fernando I then downed an appletini in a single gulp and leapt into the throng, whose every voice lifted skyward to sing along with Lady Gaga.