Parents Could Be More Proud

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Just being honest with you, honey. We could be more proud. PHOTO: Jesse Garrison

BROOKHAVEN-Parents Judy and Michael Flapwicker revealed today that they could easily be more proud of their son, Cam. Cam, 12 years old, is a middle school student and video game enthusiast.

“I mean, of course, he’s our son and we love him,” said father Michael, “but he’s not exactly blowing our doors off.”

Cam, currently working his way through the “Diablo III” video game when he’s not at school or soccer practice, is seemingly oblivious to his shortcomings.

“I think I’m doing pretty good. I have three characters at level 60 now, and last week I scored a goal in soccer. I think Becky Minnerton might like me too,” he said.

But his parents tell another side of the story.

“Bless his little heart, there’s no way Becky Minnerton has any idea he even exists,” said mother Judy. “She’s a beautiful, sparkling child so far out of his league as to be obscured by the curvature of the Earth.”

“Now, it’s true, he did score that goal last week,” said Michael, “but the ball was headed out of bounds when it ricocheted off of his blank, unfocused face and went into the goal. Not exactly a master stroke.”

At this point in the interview, taking place in the Flapwicker kitchen, Cam appeared from his bedroom and wandered into the kitchen with a tee shirt on inside out, scrubbed a hand around on his face a few times, looked dispassionately at reporters and his parents, and then wandered out the back door, shoeless but in mismatched socks.

“See? That’s what we’re talking about right there,” said Michael. “We love him, don’t get us wrong, but come on.”