New Bike Lane Allows Cyclists to Urinate On Texting Drivers Cars

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If you can't beat them, send a little hot gold their way. PHOTO: Jef Nickerson

ATLANTA–A new bike lane near Georgia Tech’s campus will allow cyclists who observe drivers using their phones while at the wheel to urinate on the offending car. Called the Going Against the Stream campaign, the initiative has been widely criticized by drivers.

“I don’t deserve to have my car peed on,” said Bonnie Hauswef, mother of two. “I wasn’t even texting. I was updating my Facebook status to let everyone know that traffic sucks.”

Though there are some concerns that the new legislation will result in some indecent exposure, city officials are grasping at straws for ways to protect cyclists.

“Bicycle riders are, without a doubt, our most important citizens,” said Earnest Lawfellow, attorney for the initiative. “That’s why you’ll never, ever see a cop car or mail truck parked in a bike lane near, oh I don’t know… picking an intersection at random here… 5th and Spring.”

Lawfellow went on to reveal that modern scientific advances have even made it possible for female cyclists to get in on the act.

“I’m not saying it’s not a little more awkward for the lady cyclists to express displeasure at having their lives endangered just so some asshole can reply ‘LOL’ to a friend,” said Lawfellow. “But we’re moving forward, and that’s the most important thing.”

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