New AJC Column Will Feature Erotic Take on Local Headlines

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2014
What are th- oh. PHOTO: Coolbrain Bear

ATLANTA, GA–Cox Enterprises flagship publication the Atlanta Journal-Constitution announced this morning that a brand new column will soon be gracing its pages and webular nets. Intended to boost readership by spicing up dry local events, the column, whose title is still to be determined, will offer an erotic take on the news.

“We’ve had a lot of success bringing the younger generation to local news with our glib Twitter account,” said Phil Lippant, Digital Editor. “Now we want to reach even more people with news accounts of shootings presented with an erotic flair.” Mr. Lippant went on to say that the AJC faced declining engagement with its outdated, staid methods of presenting overnight traffic fatalities and shootings.

“We just don’t often have a lot of exciting news to deal with here in Atlanta,” lamented Lippant. “Mostly just lots of shootings.”

In related news, local strip club owner Steve Scizz says he’s hoping to ink a deal with the AJC to hold press conferences for the columns bigger stories at his establishment.

For now, the AJC’s Lippant says he’s sworn to secrecy, but did hint that the paper is considering a number of different titles for the column, including Hard News, Da Flesh Column [sic], and staff favorite Gimme Some Headline.