GOTHAM–Amateur and professional joke writers alike scrambled furiously this morning in the wake of news that actor Ben Affleck will play Batman in an upcoming Superman reboot sequel. The Atlanta Banana admits its reporters are struggling to make sense of the rumors due to the sheer volume of comic-based movies being produced. In fact, experts predict they will eclipse actual comic books by 2021.
“Movies are not art, or culture,” said Mitch Rogolden-Mayer, 89, Hollywood mogul. “They’re business. In business you make safe bets, and that means Hollywood whips out comic book movies like farts.”
Rogolden-Mayer was dismissive regarding questions about the choice of Ben Affleck to play Batman. “It’ll be fine. He’s an actor. He’s been good in a lot of stuff. Shut up.” he said.
Harry Warmeur, acclaimed lead writer of Hollywood writing team Warmeur Brothers agreed. “You can’t just write a movie to be a movie,” said Harry Warmeur. “You need something already successful to bastardize over two or three hundred sequels. Like a book or a comic book.”
Though comic books have been produced en masse since the mid 1930’s, Hollywood is confidant that it can completely shit on every known story arc within the next ten years.
“We’re already finished with novels. Now we’re eating up comic books, and next we’re pioneering the conversion of popular twitter feeds into movies,” said Rogolden-Mayer. “Keep up those tweets, kids!”