ATLANTA–Atlanta Mayor Joaquin Snead announced the official Independance Day drinking game for 2012 this morning, called “Fireworks or Gunshots.” In it, participants try to guess whether the explosions they are hearing over the Atlanta skyline on the evening of their nation’s birthday are joyful fireworks or incoming small arms fire.
“Everyone knows we have a significant amount of gunfire in our city,” said Snead, speaking to reporters on the capitol steps this morning. “I figure, why not make a game of it and have a little fun? Right?”
The mayor cautioned citizens to drink responsibly, and warned that firearms should always be considered a safety hazard, but added that people are going to “do crime and stuff anyways,” so he wasn’t going to waste his time trying to be a downer if no one is paying attention.
“I might be the mayor,” Snead said. “But I’m still a player. Know what I mean? This guy right here does. All right!”
Georgia Tech student Fred Ternity is excited to try the game out tomorrow night.
“I think I have a pretty good chance of winning this game,” said Ternity. “In fact, I don’t think you can really lose unless someone is firing a gun at you while you’re playing.”
“In that case, both the shooter and the shootee would be disqualified and their beers or other libations forfeit,” confirmed Mayor Snead via phone later in the day.
Other ways to lose the game include making out with someone who isn’t very hot, getting arrested for DUI, or losing one’s debit card. In any of the above cases, the loser is required to sing the theme song from 2004’s Team America World Police at top volume no less than five times.
The Atlanta Banana would like to wish everyone a safe and happy Independence Day, and urges you to practice responsible drinking and gunfire.