Local Woman’s Outfit Found Guilty of Falsely Advertising Exercise

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PHOTO: Antoine K

ATLANTA, GA–A Fulton County judge found yesterday that an outfit belonging to a local woman was guilty of falsely advertising exercise. The decision is a landmark of its kind, which could have far-reaching implications for the vaguely workoutey garment industry.

The garments in question were sentenced to either be remanded to an owner who actually intended to do exercise, or to become dusting rags, with the explicit proviso from the court that dusting must actually be performed.

The woman, local marketing professional Io Gapantz, was surprised by her clothes’ sentencing. “I honestly thought that going out to brunch while crazy hungover counted as exercise,” she said. “I have been counting it as exercise.”

The manufacturer of the outfit, Yoga Maybe of Berkley, CA, said in a press release they will appeal the court’s decision:

If we are limited to selling workout clothes to people who actually work out, we will go out of business. That will cost the US jobs. And it will mean we have to get into actual pants and shirts and that’s like, we can’t even. We would die. Literally die.

The Georgia Supreme Court will decide later this year whether to decide whether to hear the case some time in 2032.