PIEDMONT PARK–Dog owner Mitchell Pratz, 28, has a crippling addiction. Try as he might, he cannot seem to stop himself letting his dog, Mr. Cupcake, off his leash in inappropriate circumstances. Pratz says that the addiction started innocuously enough, but has grown over the three years of Mr. Cupcake’s life.
“At first it was really cute, he was a puppy, you know? Everyone loved being around him,” said Pratz. “But now he’s grown up. He sniffs, humps, and pees. Still, somehow I just can’t stop letting him off his leash.”
Pratz says he visits Piedmont Park or Stone Mountain Park as much as he can, but will occasionally let Mr. Cupcake run around off leash in a smaller park if he is pressed for time.
“I feel horrible every time he annoys someone. I apologize to people constantly, but I never put him back on his leash. As much as it shames me to say this, I just… I, well.. annoying the shit out of people just means too much to me.” Pratz said, breaking down into sobs.
Veterinarian and canine behavioral expert Dr. Art Barksworth says he has seen this many times before.
“We refer to this condition as Partially Recognized Irrritating Canine Knowledge Syndrome. Owners seem to be aware on some level that they are annoying people with their off-leash animals, but fail to give a shit.” said the doctor. His clinic offers a six week treatment program.
Pratz, however, says he’s not ready to seek treatment.
“I’ve admitted I have a problem. That’s enough for now. I just don’t know how I would live my life without walking behind my dog as he acts like a furry little asshole to everyone. I get a real charge out of calling his name over and over and shouting to him as if he suddenly speaks English.”