Local Bands Urge Atlanta To Support U2, Nickelback

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Musical act U2 much, much better than Atlanta local bands PHOTO: Zachary Gillman

THE GOAT FARM — Local Atlanta musicians have long been tireless supporters of themselves. Decrying the lack of a so-called Atlanta “scene” in Facebook posts and tweets, they shame fans of national acts as lacking true interest in local culture. Some brave musicians, however, are speaking out against this movement.

One local musician, calling himself “Dicky,” agreed to be interviewed on Friday.

“If we spent half the energy on songwriting that we spend telling everyone how great local music is, local music actually would be great,” he confided, leaning forward to imply italics. “But we need some time to make that happen. While we’re working on it, people should just go see U2. They’re an amazing band.”

“Nickelback writes great hooks too,” he added.

When asked to define the word “scene,” U2’s lead singer Bono explained that it as a mythical place where people are willing to pay to see mediocre music that they’ve never heard before every night of the week.

“Unfortunately the reality of a ‘scene’ is long gone,” Bono stated, barely audible over the sounds of his cash counting machines. “There was a scene when we started, but that was because your choices for entertainment in Ireland in the 70s were quite limited. You’d go see anything — anything at all — just to break the monotony. You ever lain in cold mud just to pass the time?”

“Nowadays there are so many choices for entertainment, a show has got to be incredibly amazing to grab anyone’s attention. Why do you think our stage looks like a giant alien crab with a television for a penis?” Bono added.

But not all local bands are convinced.

“U2 is pretty good,” an anonymous member of local band Quiet Hounds revealed, “But I’m much more of a Black Eyed Peas man, myself.”

When asked to comment on local music, the nameless musician continued, “In fact, everyone should come to the Goat Farm on February 25th. U2 will be there, and so will the Black Eyed Peas, and Justin Bieber, and also Jesus and Adele and Bon Iver. Not my new band, the Quiet Hounds. Nope!”

“Seriously, you guys should come,” he added.

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