Latex Condom Manufacturer Warns Miley: “Condoms Aren’t Clothes”

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Attention everyone: No one touch my daughter, okay? Unless you're also famous. PHOTO: a_marga

LINCOLN, NE–The Wanglove Latex Rubber Company released a statement this morning which expressed concern over singer Miley Cyrus’s performance last night at the Barclay’s Center in Brooklyn, New York. The performance, part of the Video Music Awards, featured the 20 year old singer in rubber clothing apparently comprised of prophylactic condoms stretched over her body.

“We have no idea how Ms. Cyrus managed to stretch our latex condoms up over her body,” said Wanglove spokesman Peter Sheather, 43. “They are not made for that purpose. They are intended to prevent against disease and unwanted pregnancy during sexual intercourse.”

Performers and other notable celebrities expressed horror at the sight of Cyrus’s buttocks forced apart like two Christmas hams by her condom clothing.

“Those ‘shorts’ were wedgied up in there so tight she somehow had four butt cheeks at some points,” said A. Kee Breakyheart, 31, record producer. “She had to bend over and rub herself on Beetlejuice so she could breathe.”

Mr. Sheather says that Ms. Cyrus is in no physical danger as a result of condom materials, his company merely wants to make it plain that wearing condoms as articles of clothing is in no way advised.

“Except you know like when bridesmaids put condoms all over themselves as part of a bachelorette party,” said Sheather. “Wearing them on your clothing is okay, I guess, but wearing them as clothing is just ridiculous.”