Kid Cudi Storms Out of Breakfast, Tells Bagel to Go F-word Itself

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ATLANTA–At an abbreviated performance supporting OutKast at ATLast this weekend, performer Kid Cudi told what he perceived to be an unmotivated audience to “suck [his] [penis].” The next morning, he continued that policy of storming away from things that do not suit him as he stomped away from the breakfast table, telling a bagel to “go [fornicate] itself” for being, as Cudi described it, “stale as [feces].”

Some fans speculate that Cudi may be suffering from depression, or just sick of bagels. One fan proposed that the bagel in question was covered in cream cheese, and that Cudi is a butter man.

As of press time, Cudi had not released a statement, but we are hearing unconfirmed reports that he had an altercation with a wobbly cafe table Monday evening. Eyewitnesses say Cudi told the table to “eat [feces]” and left abruptly.