NEW YORK CITY–Veteran journalist Snidewell Pinkely delivered what amounts to an ultimatum to the public at large today, saying that readers of “top level” news sites like his had better get used to the idea of disabling web site ad blockers before they read the news that he and his colleagues painstakingly manufacture every day.
“Do you think that it is easy for us to make clickbait headlines out of congressional doings? Well it’s not! We should be paid a fair wage, or you’ll never believe what happens next!” Pinkely stated further that the paper’s many top level advertisers make delicious products that anyone can enjoy, like the new Nichols Soda which is gluten free and tastes good just like sunshine on a summer’s day.
“Why just this morning, I was saying to my wife — she loves Nichols soda by the way — that we are all serious journalists with no motives other than the truth! …and the absolute truth is that Nichols Soda is delicious. Seriously. Delicious! I will drink some right now. Watch.”
Pinkely then opened and began to consume a soft drink with such gusto that it ran down his chin a little. “Ahh!” he then declared. “Serious journalism!”
When asked why his paper needed money so badly, given that it was owned by the multi-national corporation that manufactures Nichols Soda, among others, and whether he thought the advertising represented a conflict of interest of any kind, Pinkely responded by showing the crowd a few carefully curated videos of cats doing silly things.