Health Dept Warning: Just Stop Eating Anywhere in Atlanta Already

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Great looking Photoshop work in the header, guys.

ATLANTA—after issuing its eighth failing health inspection report in less than two weeks, the Fulton County Environmental Health Services Department issued a blanket warning to Atlanta diners to generally avoid eating out at restaurants, bars, and any other venue where raw food can be handled by total strangers in hidden rooms before being offered to you for consumption.

“Seriously, you’d think by the fourth or fifth report you’d have taken the hint that a romantic night in with a bottle of wine and a pot roast might make for a better Friday,” said Georgia Health Commissioner Brenda Fitzgerald Monday outside the SPORQS Atlanta nightclub, recently given a failing score for violations including exposed food debris and a lack of soap in the restaurant kitchen. “Do you all just not know how to cook, or are you really just this lazy?”

Fitzgerald added “Did you read this report? They don’t use soap, for godssakes. You know what isn’t gross? Boiling a box of spaghetti at home. It takes, like, ten minutes, people. Eighty-nine cents. Give it a go.”

For more information about healthier alternatives to trendy Atlanta eateries, the FCEHSD recommends further reading including the flyer from Publix you get in the mail every week and immediately throw out.