ATLANTA, GA–In a move not seen in almost 2,014 years, God resurrected the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Thursday night. “He just couldn’t sit by any longer,” an unnamed source at the Almighty Lord’s headquarters stated.
The resurrection occurred within days of a hearing at which a Fulton County Judge took possession of Dr. King’s personal bible and Nobel Peace Prize due to a legal dispute between Dr. King’s children over whether Dexter King and Martin Luther King, III could sell the items on the auction market.
Sources say God had considered such a move as far back as 2001 when the King estate authorized the use of video and audio from the “I have a dream” speech for an Alcatel commercial. He was also nearly moved to perform the resurrection when the King estate sued former Atlanta Mayor Andrew Young, and when the siblings filed prior lawsuits against each other.
“There is only one man I can think of to handle the type of nonviolent intervention that is needed here,” Our Lord and Savior the King of Kings stated at a hastily arranged press conference to announce the move. “If it was the old days I would probably just take them behind the woodshed to hash this thing out,” He chuckled.
When asked if he was considering any similar acts to address the progeny of Ted Williams and Conrad Hilton, Our Lord and Savior abruptly ended the press conference with a lightning storm followed by multiple claps of thunder.