Georgia Football Players Now Required to Carry Guns with Religious Slogans On Them

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PHOTO: John Trainor

ATLANTA–The law of the land has been codified, and it states unequivocally that Georgia football players must not only carry concealed, loaded firearms, but that those guns must have religious slogans stamped into the metal of the barrel as well.

“And I don’t mean none of that dang ‘Allahu Akbar’ so-called religious slogans neither,” declared Lt. Gov Snider Whipplatch. “It’s gotta be a religious slogan from a real religion like Christianity or, uh… Yeah just Christianity.”

Whipplatch said this bill is a great victory for Georgia’s religious voter base.

“We showed those dumbass radical atheists who think school is for learning or sports are for everyone. Eat it, atheists!”

Opponents of the bill say that school should be an open forum for learning regardless of religious belief, and that school sports should be open for anyone to participate. When pressed for comment on the bill’s detractors, Whipplatch would only repeat the phrase, “Are you a gay?” repeatedly until reporters left.

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