Georgia Aquarium Announces “Death By Sea” Exhibit

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This whale shark can't wait to eat your face.

ATLANTA–The Georgia Aquarium has unveiled plans to begin immediate installation of its new “Death by Sea” exhibit, in an attempt to end an 18-month cycle of declining attendance.

The Aquarium, established by Home Depot magnate Bernie Marcus in 2005, already sees millions of guests walk through its doors each year and houses some of the world’s most exotic aquatic life, but it is struggling nonetheless to “ship up” as public interest in the world’s oceans continues to deteriorate.

In a press conference yesterday, Marcus said he hopes the new exhibit will inspire both true respect for and absolute fear of nature’s impending sense of vengeance in an educational experience for guests of all ages. The new addition to the Aquarium will feature extremely graphic displays of the seafaring world, including the crippling effects of intense pressure while underwater, authentic cross-sections of dehydrated victims atop driftwood, and a 360-degree panoramic display of the end of Herman Melville’s epic novel Moby Dick.

“Some scientists say we know more about the moon’s surface than we do about our oceans,” Marcus said. “While some may consider that a travesty, I see it as a blessing. Have you been eye to eye with an angler fish at 2,000 meters? Absolutely terrifying.”

Marcus insisted that his own misgivings about marine life played nothing into the decision that led to the new gallery, but at the added cost of only $14 per ticket, it’s “still a great bargain. That’s why I shop at the Home Depot.”

The Tennessee Aquarium could not be reached for comment.