GDOT Adds Tolls to 285 Exits

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I fell into a boring ring of tires. PHOTO: Doug Kerr

ATLANTA–Due to the unprecedented amount of bitching elicited by the implementation of the so-called “Peach Pass” on I-85, which charges drivers to use the arguably quicker high occupancy lane, the state is looking to extend such projects to I-75 south, 285, and beyond.

“We were overwhelmed,” said G-DOT spokeswoman Angie DeMateo, in reference the public’s response to the Peach Pass. “We expected response to be negative, but the outright hostility to the paid express lanes surprised even our most ardent pessimists.”

Encouraged by the backlash, the Department of Transportation has been investigating even more ways to make metro drivers pay for privileges that, until now, have been free.

Carpoolers, who had previously been exempt from the express lane tolls, can now look forward to paying for the lanes, just like everyone else. In addition, G-DOT expressed hopes to extend the wildly unpopular GA-400 toll indefinitely, and potentially franchise it to other interstates.

“Look, in a perfect world, Georgia taxpayers could drive on their publicly funded roads without additional bullshit costs,” said DeMateo. “But that would require financial management in our department that we just don’t have.”

Additional sources confirmed DeMateo’s statement, adamantly confirming that G-DOT officials proudly lack even the most rudimentary knowledge of accounting.

DeMateo went on: “We refuse to rest on our laurels. Currently, we are brainstorming other potential costs that Atlanta drivers can anticipate—all within reason, of course. I mean, using non-express lanes on metro interstates has been, and will continue to be, free.”

“But what if you paid just a small fee to exit? Think about it.”

[Article by Jessica Merrill, who asked to not be credited in any way. No links to her Etsy store even.]