Experience-Free Manager Demands Only Experienced Candidates for Front Desk Position

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Want to be our intern? Seventeen years experience. PHOTO: Victor1558

VIRGINIA-HIGHLAND–Applicants for the front desk position at Burnhelm Accounting’s office, located in the Virginia-Highland area of Atlanta, need to be highly qualified if they expect to be considered, even though the hiring manager, Dirk Stevens, is utterly without experience of any kind. Stevens is CPA Todd Burnhelm’s brother-in-law.

“I hired Dirk in an attempt to save my marriage,” said Burnhelm, father of two. “Sandra and I have hit a rough patch lately, and I thought, you know, if I employed her dipshit brother I might get some points.”

The Burnhelm Accounting office let previous office manager Shayla Martin, 25, go, citing personal differences and awarding her a generous severance package.

“God, Shayla was amazing,” said Burnhelm, sighing heavily. “I will never forget her. Just the way she… handled my business.” Burnhelm paused, looked wistful, then continued, “Dirk can’t even be bothered to pick up a phone, let alone… well anyway, I just told him to hire someone who can at least work the front desk.”

Stevens, however, feels up to the challenge, and can’t wait to get started hiring a front desk person.

“Todd was right to trust me with this position,” he said. “I will make sure that whomever we hire to sit at the front desk, stare blankly out the front window, and occasionally answer the phone has at least one undergraduate college degree. Maybe two.”

Stevens also stated that he was thinking of starting an internship program, for which applicants would need to have at least five years previous experience to even be considered.