Congress Agrees to End Shutdown as Soon as it Stops Being So Fucking Fun

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Government used to do work here. PHOTO: Rob Pongsajapan

WASHINGTON, DC–Congressional leaders currently enjoying the time of their lives during the government shutdown have agreed to begin working as a cohesive group again just as soon as splitting the country in two and wrecking the lives of countless citizens stops being so fucking fun.

Reporters and protesters gathered on the steps of the capitol building begged passing officials to return to their jobs already. One man’s voice rang out, “Haven’t you screwed us enough?”

One Senator, speaking anonymously from his chambers and clad in a loose fitting flower print shirt, responded to Atlanta Banana correspondents via video chat on the condition that he not be named or have his party affiliation revealed.

“Serious up, I am having the time of my life right now,” said the Senator. “This is the shit.”

The Senator went on to reveal that in his view there are three reasons to seek high political office: huge financial opportunities, all the illicit sex you can stand, and the slim hope that something historic might happen while you’re in office. All three have come to pass for the current group of politicians.

“If you’re hoping we might see reason or have some sort of sympathy for the state of the nation,” the Senator began. He was unable to finish the statement, however, due to a forceful spasm of laughter causing him to hold his sides as if in pain.

The senator composed himself enough to shake his head, indicating the interview was over, but did not cease laughing.

Half an hour later, he then texted a photo of himself giving an enthusiastic thumbs up from an open tanning bed with a bikini clad woman standing nearby. In the photo, the woman, who is not his wife, is holding a coconut bowl with flowers and a straw protruding from the top. Across her belly the words “Representative Government” were written in what reports guessed to be lipstick.