City To Name Something Peachtree Whatever For Millionth Time

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Atlanta's Streetcar project will go even less Peachtree-named places than MARTA.

CAPITOL — Atlanta mayor Kasim Reed announced yesterday that the city would christen its one millionth thing with the word “Peachtree” in the name as part of the coming Atlanta Streetcar project.

When asked about the implications for tourists attempting to navigate a metropolitan area in which many of the major streets are named the same thing, the mayor slid a pair of sunglasses onto his face and declared that tourists could “deal with it.”

The move comes as a surprise to residents, who have already petitioned the mayor’s office demanding to know why West Peachtree is on the east side of Peachtree Street where it becomes Peachtree Road.

The mayor’s office representative responded to these requests late Monday evening with an image depicting an oddly dressed man and the words “Haters gonna hate” in the Impact typeface colored white with a black stroke.

Sources close to the mayor, however, have alluded to the strength of a rumored “Peachtree Lobby,” said to have the ear of nearly every mover or shaker in town. Reporters could not confirm the rumor, but it has been left in this article to make shit seem more scandalous because that’s kind of what news is these days: pot stirring.

When contacted through back channels for a further quote on the issue, the mayor is reported to have quipped “We’ll think of some new street names when Hollywood thinks of a new idea for a movie.”

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