City to Construct Politician-Only Monster Truck Motorcade

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A woman demonstrates what it's like to stand inside a very big tire. PHOTO: Danielle Elder

HARTSFIELD-JACKSON ATLANTA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT FOR PLANES–Airport officials have revealed a joint project with the city of Atlanta this morning to construct a monster truck based motorcade to be used by visiting dignitaries.

The enormous trucks will allow very important people to ride from the airport on the south side of the city to the northern suburbs — where all the money is — without being hindered by the city-wide gridlock their visits create.

State Trouper Lou Souper spoke with Atlanta Banana reporters via phone.

“Whenever a politician comes to town, we shut down the interstates,” said Trooper Souper. “It’s mostly a safety thing, but it’s also a lot of fun. You should see your faces. LOL!”

[ Reporters noted that Trooper Souper did indeed spell out the letters “LOL.” -Ed]

The monster trucks will exit the airport with the traveling dignitaries inside, then climb atop the nearest gridlocked vehicle, which will cushion the ride by collapsing in a shower of glass and buckling metal. The trucks will proceed in this fashion on a never ending carpet of vehicles, cushioning the occupants nicely.

“With a normal limo, sometimes there’s a bump, and that’s uncomfortable for the traveling politician.” he said. “This method will be much, much better.”

Daily commuter and Conyers resident Hap Birkle said he understands the problem and is in favor of the monster trucks.

“They have to deal with the technology they have,” said Birkle, squeegee repairman and father of two. “It’s not like there’s a magic flying machine a politician can get in at the airport and then fly over the city and land vertically on the North side of town. Someday, maybe, but not today.”

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