ATLANTA–The City of Atlanta noticed, while browsing Facebook late Thursday night, that the Braves baseball team has changed its relationship status from “In a relationship,” to “single,” skipping entirely the intermediary “It’s complicated.”
Sources close to the Mayor’s office say he and his staff are privately devastated, but are putting on a brave face.
“That was awfully fast,” said Dave Jacobs, City of Atlanta spokesperson, his eyes red and puffy. “I mean, yeah, we’re broken up or whatever, but they could have handled it a bit better. I just, you know, we all just wish them, uh…” Jacobs took a moment to control his cracking voice, clenching a fist in front of his mouth. “We wish them well.”
Jacobs also said the City of Atlanta has realized that the Braves have been tagged a lot lately in party situations with Cobb County. The city thought nothing of the photos, but now it seems like they are evidence that the Braves have been “checked out for a long time.”
The Braves and the City of Atlanta will awkwardly continue to live together through the term of their lease, which runs out in 2017. Neither party wishes to pay the early termination fees.