ATLANTA–A chiropractor calling himself only “The Bonecracka” is taking credit for the Atlanta Open tennis tournament this morning, having accosted Atlanta Banana reporters on a MARTA train.
“Behold the great and mighty Bonecracka!” said Mr. Bonecracka, spreading his arms wide to afford reporters the best possible view of his bathrobe with images of vertebrae sewed on. A Target tag was visible at the hem.
“Yes, it is I, the great and powerful adjuster of necks, and also backs that have been hurting a bit lately! You look a bit off center, friend. Been enjoying a tennis match, have we?”
The Bonecracka then sat much too close and revealed that he alone was responsible for the Atlanta Open Tennis Tournament.
“Oh yes, you non-’Practors think you know so much,” he said. “But when your neck is stiff from looking back and forth between the faces of lightly-stubbled tennis pros, to whom will you turn? To whom, I ask you?”
The Bonecracka then revealed that the Midtown station was his stop, and exiting the train carefully so that his robe did not drag the ground, he also said that he provided free consultations. The Bonecracka then disappeared up an escalator.