Cabbies Demand Uber Cars Be Frightening, Smell Like Barf

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PHOTO: Paul Sableman

ATLANTA, GA–Cab drivers are demanding that police ticket Uber vehicles that fail to meet rigorous barf, pee smell, and fright regulations this week in a bid to regain market share from a service that is pleasant for passengers to use.

“It simply isn’t fair to use cars that don’t smell of pee or barf,” said Burt Hakencoff. “We’ve heard reports that customers aren’t even properly frightened by these services. It’s a disgrace.” Hakencoff then demanded that interviewers pull out their wallets on a darkened street so that he could see how much cash they were carrying.

But passenger Rob Levin says he still uses cabs for different reasons. “For me it’s that delicious sensation of being arrested. A lot of cabs are used police vehicles, and being in the back seat with all the bulletproof glass gives me a thrill.” Levin gave a small shiver, then added, “Oh! And you never know when or where your cab will arrive, so it’s a really nice surprise.”